Tag Archives: essay

The Cookie Tree

When I was a wee babe of 9 months, our family of five moved from Salt Lake City to Delta Junction—a tiny town at the end of the Alaskan Highway, approximately 90 miles SE of Fairbanks. At the time, Delta Junction had a population of approximately 500 and has never recorded more than 1000. Through the years, my parents remained good friends with the next door couple who rented to us. At one point, the four of them idly talked of moving both families to Australia. And, much later, they vacationed together there.

Delta Junction, Alaska (me)

Of course I don’t remember the move to Alaska, but I do hold a few memories of my life before our family relocated to Las Vegas three years later. Certain stories come to mind, some from family lore, such as the moose that stuck his head through our trailer’s kitchen window, my little sister being born during a blizzard, my near-drowning in the Delta River, and Anchorage suffering through a 9.2 magnitude earthquake. But those stories are for another time. This one is about my mother’s knack for making the best of difficult situations, especially where her children were concerned.

Delta Junction, Alaska (two neighbor kids, my brother, and me)

Why, you might wonder, would anyone move to Alaska in November? As it so happens, my parents were looking for a fresh start after my father was fired from his position at a grocery store. When it was discovered two employees were embezzling funds, Dad was held accountable as he was the hiring manager, and he took too long in detecting the theft. Word got around to other stores in the area, and my father lost confidence in securing a new job. So we migrated north where he found work as manager of the PX at Fort Greely. And soon afterward, as was typical everywhere we moved, my mother was hired as a nurse at a local clinic.

Salt Lake City, Utah (Mom and me)

Although my parents brought appropriate clothing and rented adequate lodging, our household items were left behind in Salt Lake to be shipped later by my grandparents. Thus, when Christmas approached the following month, we had no decorations. Having little to do in the near-constant darkness of Alaska’s winter, Mom hatched a plan that became a years-long family tradition. She whipped up batches of sugar cookies and cut them into shapes of stars, bells, wreaths, and trees. Before popping them into the oven, she pushed a thimble into the dough to create a small hole at the top of each. Once the cookies cooled, she iced them with red-, green-, yellow- and blue-dyed powdered-sugar frosting. And after my father dragged a tree inside, my mom hung cookies on every limb using yarn from her knitting case.

Glimpse of Cookie Tree – Arlington, Texas (in the kitchen with my older sister peeking through the branches and me with my baby doll)

Over the years, other edibles were added, such as candy canes and popcorn balls, but the cookies were the only constant. One full day in the second week of every December, our house was a flurry of flour. My mom enlisted the whole family and stationed us along her makeshift assembly line. No one was exempt, and truthfully, we’d be disappointed if we were. Here’s a picture of me with Roman Meal bread bags wrapped around a cast on my right arm—a break that happened from a fall after attempting to skip two rungs on the monkey bars in first grade.

Las Vegas, Nevada

While living in Texas, we invited the neighbor kids for a holiday party, everyone bringing a gift to share. After singing carols up and down the streets, we circled back to the house and devoured the cookies off the tree, avoiding the ones at the bottom the dog had clearly licked. All the while, my sweet mom ladled hot cocoa into mugs filled with marshmallows. The sugar highs must’ve lasted for hours.

Arlington, Texas (brother, me, little sister, big sister)

I can’t find a picture of the full tree, and I’m not sure one exists without kids obstructing its view. But this photo shows a table laden with cookies, where sprinkles were now a thing and new shapes of horses, chickens, and Santas were added. I distinctly remember a rabbit and Scotty dog, but I don’t see any here.

Arlington, Texas

Sadly, my mom no longer remembers the cookie tree or Alaska, because a misdiagnosis robbed her of memories. But family, friends, and neighbors remember. And our lives are richer for having been surrounded by her warmth, kindness, and whimsy.

And for the record, years later I tried duplicating those cookies. Although delicious, they were missing the dash of magic only my mother could bring.


Grateful, Humble, and Kind

One of my favorite songs is “Humble and Kind” by Tim McGraw.

The concept isn’t new to me. In fact, years ago my mother led by example as an RN, occasionally patching up neighbor kids during her off hours. As one of her devoted children, I aimed high to make her proud.

I hit my stride soon after turning eleven, enjoying perks as library aide and safety patrol. In fifth grade, my favorite teacher nominated me for the DAR award. In sixth grade, I was elected class president of my home room. School was my sanctuary. I loved learning—which goes to show some things never change.

Scouting also kept me busy. First as a Brownie and then as a Girl Scout, I acquired badges and sold cookies door-to-door. Even exercise seemed easy back then. I rode my bike everywhere. I spent hours swimming at the public pool. I roller skated at the local rink every Friday and Saturday night. And I played third base for a winning, all-girls softball team.

But it wasn’t all fun and games. Every summer, I volunteered at Planned Parenthood, answering phones and filing. (It’s where my mother worked, and the clinic focused solely on wellness and prevention.)

While doing all of those things, I felt a part of something greater. And I witnessed and experienced the empowerment of women.

But then life hurled poo at me. I flailed and failed and reverted back to questionable instincts that can fairly be compared to when I was three and thought climbing a tree with a full bladder was a good idea.

As a result, my moral compass rusted in my twenties. I became a bully after being bullied. I cheated after being cheated on. And I lied to those who were trustworthy. Sadly, I lost some really great friends and befriended some really awful ones.

In my early thirties, I turned inward, because being around other people zapped my energy. For every hour of interaction, I needed two hours of recovery. I dreaded invitations, because I’d become so socially awkward that I blurted inappropriate comments at every event.

Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it), my husband wouldn’t allow me to become a hermit. He’s an extrovert and had no intention of attending parties alone. (That’s when we created “fifteen minute warning,” but that’s for another post.)

As strange as it sounds, veganism and writing are returning me to my confident, childhood self—when possibilities seemed endless, and I believed in a wondrous world. I feel 10 years younger than I did ten years ago, and my senses have heightened dramatically. Colors are more vibrant and scents more recognizable. The natural world beckons, and I don’t want to miss any of its beauty.

My mantra these days is “grateful, humble, and kind.”

Summer Day in Port Townsend, Washington

Living with a Non-Vegan

My husband and I have been together for more years than I care to admit. He’s seen me through many a diet, and he’s even joined me on a few.

We have a good and fair arrangement. He does the shopping, and I do the cooking. And he LOVES it when I cook.

But my decision to go vegan was alarming to him. Sure, I’d still be preparing his meals, but how tasty could those meals possibly be without meat? Or eggs? Or cheese? Or milk?

At first, he augmented his dinners with various meats and cheeses. I’d make vegan burritos, and he’d add roasted chicken and mozzarella. I’d make vegan chili, and he’d add kielbasa and sour cream. No big deal, because he wasn’t forcing me to eat it.

Then after eight months of being vegan, something strange happened to me. I started getting compliments on how much healthier I looked. Not only that, but my husband could tell how much better I felt. I had more energy and was getting up earlier and staying up later.

So, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when he told me he wanted to become pescatarian (vegetarian + fish) and give up all other meats. But because eggs smelled yucky to me, and cheese and butter were still tempting, I talked him into taking it one step further. I asked him to go vegan + fish instead, which I call pesca-vegan. He said he’d give it a month.

It should be noted that my husband is within his weight range, but the pounds were inching up, and he wasn’t happy with how his clothes were fitting. The stats after the first week? He lost over six pounds! It was enough to keep him motived.

We’ll see how the remaining month goes, but because it’s been so easy for him (with me packing his lunch and preparing dinner), I think he’ll continue even after the trial period is over.

Honestly? I never thought he’d make it this far.

Update: He gave it the month, and he plans to commit to another month again soon. No pressure from me.